im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
