she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
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