she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Randomize