meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
