dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
