You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Randomize
