ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
