hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
