OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
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and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
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I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
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