my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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