I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
