I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
