Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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