i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
