Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
