My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
