Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
