the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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