sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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