$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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