I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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