Hey man sorry I got all grabby
What a fucking waste of an outfit
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
