My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
