She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
