More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Randomize
