i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
