Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
