He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
