I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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