Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I just blew my weed a kiss
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
