this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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