and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
