i don't like sucking hair
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
