after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
