he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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