"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
