Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's always time for handjobs
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
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