if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
too bad you live with your parents still
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Randomize
