He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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