2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
