alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
