It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
