Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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