Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
