I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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