cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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