Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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