How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
