this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Randomize
