I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
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