it wasn't lemon gatorade
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?