Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.