Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
My dad just said "fuck circus"
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
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