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your parents love me but you hate me
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
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