omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
why do cheetos always look like penises
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
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