are you still at the devil's house?
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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