and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
