Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
