I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Ketchup is God's man juice
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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