all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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