theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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