Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Randomize
