DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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