I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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