I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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