I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Bring me that man meat
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
