I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
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