I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
handjob tips. give me some.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
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