I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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