She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
