he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
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I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
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It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
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