my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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