i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Randomize
