remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
