Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
