is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
