my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
