Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Houston, we have a blender
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Dick very happy bro
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
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